I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
