did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
