i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
