watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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