Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
