I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
