I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
