I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
