2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
