no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
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I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
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I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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