Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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