the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
