had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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