theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
now i know why i became what i already was.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
