I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
