this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
