And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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