I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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