I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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