I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
