I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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