he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
