I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
