Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
