I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
