I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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