Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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