you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
