I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
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In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
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It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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