God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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