I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize