she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
