Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
