I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
