I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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