we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.