You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.