Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?