Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
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They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
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Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.