He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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