Sponge bath it is.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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