I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
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