I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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