I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
