Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
