it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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