You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
