one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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