And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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