I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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