I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
