I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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