Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
