If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The Olympian is in my bed
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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