it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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