I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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