I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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