it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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