You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
