Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Mom said you looked used
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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