drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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