how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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