i just google imaged poop.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
