After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
