Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
