My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize