508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
