I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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