My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have aggressive nipples.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
