I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
