i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
