he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
