mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
