I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
